Loading ...I have to get this off my chest because it brings many things to mind for me because of the way I live my life and the lifestyle choices that my wife and I have become a custom to in the last few years. My wife and I were talking last night and she was in a discussion with one of her yahoo groups from earlier in the day. They were talking about hitting a child to teach discipline and to make them behave. People were defending themselves about why they hit their children, and they were being very nasty about it when confronted. My wife was defending the point that you should not hit your children, and why you should not hit them. She was being very polite, offering literature and suggestions, and people were being down right rude to her. You would think it would be the other way around, but sadly it was not.
I have never hit anybody. I have never been in a fight. I do not hit my wife. I do not hit my child. I do not kick or throw my animal companions. The most I have ever done is shouting when loosing control. I have had times in the past where anger or stress do come up and prompt me to act physically, everyone gets this from time to time. But why have I never acted and hit anybody?? Maybe I have some self control. Maybe I have some respect. Maybe I show some love towards people. It is probably a number of things, but the bottom line is that this is who I am. But what made me this way?
People are built with a model, which is basically part of your subconscious. This model is formed from EVERYTHING you have ever experienced in your lifetime, and it is hidden behind the scenes every minute of every day. This model is part of your every though process and every action, whether it be emotional, physical, verbal or mental related. It affects how you react to things and what you truly believe in. It remembers everything and makes a general conclusion about how the world is around you. If you are always under attack, then your model will see the world as fearful and you will always be jumpy and eager to enter the fight or flight state. If you are shown love and understanding then you will be a much more open loving person yourself. Let’s not start off a child’s life with this abuse. Who else can understand this?
Someone in the WAP group was saying that they hit their 9 month old because the child would give them defiant looks when being bad, and would act defiantly and not listen to them. Another was saying that they hit their child starting at 6 months when they were being bad, and they would continue to hit them until they cried and then would comfort them back to normal. Someone else was saying that they hit them out of love because they want to bring them up the right way. Another was claiming they were hit by their own parents when they were young but that they do not do it the same drastic was to their own children. People were saying that they tried using the talking method but it wasn’t consistently working so they had to resort to hitting them again. My question to all of these people would be “Were you hit when you were a child?”. I bet they all were. I was in fact hit as a child but only ever 4 times, and this was for the worse of things. Calling my mother stupid, playing with the stove, running out into the street, and I do not remember the forth. I would like to point out that this was after I had enough development to understand my parents when they said not to do something. I did not repeat the behavior when this happened, again because I was old enough to know the difference, and my parents did not hit me over every little thing that I did. I do not think it was ok for them to hit me, I think at that time that scaring me half to death while they told me why I shouldn’t do something ever again would have made me feel bad enough. Does anybody agree with me on this? Children don’t have the minds that we do, how can people think otherwise?
I am sorry if you do not agree, but this just is not right. How can you think that a 6 or a 9 month old has any concept of “right or wrong”. You show that poor child pain, fear and punishment when you hit them and no matter what you think they know they do not know what is going on. Sure after a while they stop doing what it is that you don’t want them to do, but they are stopping the action because of the fear associated with getting pain inflicted on them from their care givers when performing action X. Children want you to love them. They love you, they trust you, and they want comfort from you. You were there from the start and they associated you with taking care of them. Are you going to return their cares and needs by hitting them when they make a simple mistake?
All people make mistakes, it is part of learning, and nobody is perfect. Have people forgotten this? Children explore, so naturally they get into trouble. Children do not have fine motor skills, so naturally they are clumsy. Since children know absolutely nothing from the start, they must make mistakes in order to learn things. Would it be ok for your manager to hit you when you make a mistake? Is it ok for your spouse to hit you when you if you make a mistake? Does a judge hit the person being prosecuted if they are found guilty? I think the first problem is that people do not have tolerance and lack compassion as they both are not encouraged in today’s society. Secondly, people do not stop and think about what their actions do to other people, they simply act. Thirdly, people cannot control their own emotions. Lastly, people are not taught unconditional love. Even people that believe in god are hitting their children. God wants you to show unconditional love towards others like he does. What did you read that gave you the idea that children should be hit as a form of punishment? Love does not include physically hitting anybody, regardless of the circumstances.
People need to step back and realize what they are doing to a child when they hit them. Have someone hit you and you will see what it feels like. Realize that you are inflicting pain and fear into a child when you hit them. You are teaching that little brain of theirs that life is pain, and that life is fear. They will then pass this on to their children one day, because we all know that you are a product of your environment. “My parents hit me so I am going to hit my children” they will think. People that are taught to love do not become rapists. People that are taught kindness and charity do not steal from people. It is simply how the mind works. Teach them tolerance and understanding. You need to talk to your child when there is a problem not only so that they realize and try to correct it, but so that they learn that problems can be best solved by talking about them. Practice forgiveness and remember that they are not you nor are they capable of what you are capable of at this time. Understand and respect their point in life and what it means and does not mean in terms of what they are able to do. And above all, truly love your children and know that there is no punishment in true love.
Written by myself.